Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
