I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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