Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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