Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
