my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
