He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
