Don't make out with my wife yet
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
