I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I party with great urgency now.
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