just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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