saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was born a porn star she said
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize