Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
