I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
