I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize