So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
