OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
