Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
