you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
