Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
