ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
