My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my sisters under your porch take her home
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
