Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
