I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
