I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
