if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
