Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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