I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
