why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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