Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
