in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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