Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
