The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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