there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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