Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
