I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
