If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize