Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let's get the cat blown out
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
