when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
