i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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