Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
