Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
