Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
