Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
