Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
