I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
