Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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