bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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