hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
