i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
