i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Someone signed my nipple.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
