put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
