Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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