here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
