Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
