is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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