NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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