WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
