I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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