Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
