My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
