What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
