Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
