Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
