new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
