WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
