I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
