Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
