Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
