so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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