Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize