if you like me you must not know who I am
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
