Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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