Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize