does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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